Power of words

Have you ever thought how you talk to other people? Have you thought what an impact your words have on someone? Have you thought about what and how you say things might have a completely different meaning (you meant to say) to someone else?

I remember one lab meeting where I was very excited to present my exciting findings to the whole lab. I had prepared a graphical presentation and I was up in front talking about my discovery. Then, in the middle of my presentation my supervisor pointed out that I had not put titles on x- and y-axes in my graph.

She was totally correct in her notion. But I was furious.

Why?

She pointed the fact out in a very strict way that immediately made me feel humiliated. Also, she did not correct other people’s graphs the same way. Also, she interrupted me, which was a little rude. The way she said that little anecdote, had a great negative impact on me. So much, that I still today remember it even it happened a long time ago.

It took me years to understand the message that there was underneath that curt and straightforward comment. I understood that when I had my hands full of work and someone came to me with graphs and I had no idea what they represented. It sometimes took me a while to remember what was the project that person was working on because there were so many.

I am sure my supervisor was not evil. She probably wanted to be helpful. But she was a little bit short on her communication skills. Which is very common for scientists. And stressed, pressed with time and overworked.

It would have been much more helpful for me (and probably for others as well) if she had said for example ‘I find it a little hard to decipher the graph, I was just wondering if titles in the axes would help to understand’ or something like that. Would she have been more generous, she could have said that when you have many projects to supervise, it is a little hard to keep track on everything and this is why it could be helpful if everyone would mark their axes for clarity. Also, she could have waited until the end of the session and then give that as general comment. I was not the only who lacked axis titles (and that’s probably why it felt quite unfair to pick on me).

That sort of positive comment would have helped me and the whole lab to understand why the graph titles are necessary and probably the comment would not have made me angry and resentful.

This has been a great lesson for me about how to talk to people if you want them to do what you want. As a supervisor you want your people want to work for you. Not because you pay, but because they want to do it. Persuasive skills are very important in today’s work environment and positivity always pays off.

Words are very powerful. The way we use words is very powerful. With words and tone of voice we can lift people up or put them down. Think of what you say and how you say it. Pay attention how people react and try ways to improve your communication skills if you have problems with your people. When people want to work with and for you, they are happier, more productive and create more results.