Be proactive

Many years ago a friend recommended me a book 'Seven Habits of  Highly Effective People' written by Stephen Covey. I thought immediately that it is just one more of those annoying self-help books and was not interested. Years later, I reluctantly took the book in my hands and started reading.

The book blew my mind.

I found myself in those pages and not in a flattering way. The first habit in the book is 'Be Proactive'. After reading the chapter, I could not stop thinking my life and why I had not been reading it sooner. It would have helped me so much in both my personal and professional life.

The first habit explains that there are two types of people, reactive and proactive.

Reactive people blame others, circumstances and parents for everything. They blame the boss was unfair for giving them impossible task. They blame spouse for their marital problems. They blame society for not giving them enough or too much.

Reactive people are affected by external environment. If it rains, they get miserable. If someone is angry, they get angry. If they get sick, they let everyone know it.

Reactive people can be spotted from the language they use. 'I can't help it, this is the way I am', 'I have to do it', 'If only I could'. Reactive people think they are not responsible for things that happen in their life.

Proactive people know they are responsible for what happens to them. They do not blame others for things that happen to them, but look into their own behaviour and understand how their actions led to the condition or situation they are in. And if they can, they'll do something about it.

Proactive people are less affected by what happens in their environment. If it rains, they know their positive attitude helps to overcome the inconvenience. If people around are angry, they can keep their cool and not let others to affect their behaviour. If they get sick, they realize they just need to rest and take it easy and complaining about it does not help.

Proactive people use positive language. 'I can change myself', 'I will choose my response', 'I will do it'. Proactive people know they can do so much to change things and they know they are responsible for their actions.

The important difference between reactive and proactive people is that they focus on different things.

Reactive people are often worried about things they cannot influence or have very little control. They worry about terrorism, other people's weaknesses, how much traffic in on the highway. Reactive people worry so much about the things they have no power to change and it uses up a lot of energy.

Proactive people focus their energy on things they are capable of changing. They concentrate on their health, how well they take care of their loved ones and how they can drive carefully on the traffic-packed highway. Proactive people do not worry much about the things that they cannot change and they save  their energy on things that they can change. They say often 'What can I do about it?'

For me, one of the best lessons was that I need to live now. I make the decisions now that affect my future. If I get unfair treatment at work from my manager, I deal with it. The former reactive me would have bitched about my unfair treatment and would have hated my manager. Proactive me tries to find a way to make things better and learn from previous experiences. Proactive me understands that managers are just humans and they are not perfect. It helps nobody if I bark behind their back, it just makes ME feel miserable.

This first habit was so powerful and changed my thinking so profoundly that I did not continue reading the rest of the book for many years. Later I noticed that other habits are extremely useful as well and learned from them as well. I suggest that you start observing yourself and when you realize you feel reactive, try changing you thought pattern. Think what you can learn and choose to act accordingly. Soon you notice it becomes easier and in few months you realize you have become more proactive and you feel better for it.